By Melanie Tercilla
Yes, this was so relatable and hilarious, and such an odd concept, that I do believe it was one of my favorites. While the story does need work in some areas, I want to first get into the positives. There’s so much tension in that opening scene that you almost want Susan to run over the lady, baby and all. We have no idea why she’s in such a hurry, but the more you read it the more you want to know. It brings us to this scene with weird name tags and the whole idea not to use your real name on them just leaves you more and more curious!
Then we get to the bathroom scene where we get a real look at Susan. This scene is written really, really well. While Susan sees certain aspects of her body, such as a little belly fat or callused heels, it doesn’t bother her. She just sees it as being “seasoned” which is so good. And we get into what Agent Provocateur really is. And we still have no idea what’s going on at this convention.
I don’t want to spoil anything for you. So, I’ll leave the story part of it there. The pacing of this story is really good, especially in the beginning. There are also a lot of really good descriptions of both the scenes and the characters. Something I will say about this story though, is that it needs more to it. The plot is great, the idea is hilarious. But, the story only uses about 1,200 words, leaving room for about 2,800 more. And I would love to read the rest of those 2,800 words! Some of the descriptions, such as describing the clothing, could be shorter. Then broaden the descriptions of the scene. What’s it smell like? Feel like? Sound like? How does Susan feel being in such a place for the first time?
In any case, the story is definitely worth the read, and I really look forward to reading more of what Melanie comes up with. I would rate this story a solid 3 out of 5 stars. It is definitely worth the read, and I can see it being broadened even to a novella, if not a novel.
Thank you for reading! Have you read this story yet? What did you think of it? Join in on this discussion in the comments below!
Interested in reading this story? Or more of Melanie’s work? Read it here.